Do You Want an Empowered Daughter? Listen to the feedback of your daughters

Many of us do not relish getting--or frankly even giving--feedback. But if you have had daughters, you are aware that you will receive it whether you like it or not! And rarely is the feedback put in the sandwiched package we like to teach in the workplace. If your daughter is anything but completely compliant, you have heard a few good comments about yourself that you may not have been ready to hear, especially if you are a mother. I remember when my girls were in their early teens and tweener years, just how much some of those comments could sting, make me doubt myself or even bring me down. We know that much of this is developmental separation from parents. However, the feedback in and of itself is often laced with some essential ingredients that are actually nutritious to our own growth as a person. The more angry it makes us, the more likely it is to have kernels of truth. As my girls have grown, their "feedback" still can hit me between the eyes at times. So how should we respond to direct comments that come at us--and why? When I reflect on myself over the past 25 years I see how I have grown and changed in so may ways for the better, solely due to some cutting, and honest feedback from my daughters--whatever package it came in--and regardless of their reasons for spewing it. Stopping and asking myself how I am coming across, if it is the way I want to be or should be, and if it is getting me where I want to go, makes a huge difference in what I do with the feedback. As a result, I change. There is another meaningful by-product to this reflection: Our daughters will recognize that their insight, voices, and intentions are not to be dismissed--that what makes them angry is worthy of expression. They experience that they can, in fact, influence change for the better, especially with those in authority. (There will be time to discuss how to communicate those thoughts better, when their is a readiness to learn, and if we model it). I am extremely grateful to my daughters for helping to shape me in to a better person. They have opened my eyes to my impact as a co-worker, a spouse and a friend. Listening to our daughters, despite the emotions running high or sharpness that the words may possess, will bring on unexpected, yet well needed transformation, empowering you both.