Do You Want an Empowered Daughter? Listen to the feedback of your daughters

Many of us do not relish getting--or frankly even giving--feedback. But if you have had daughters, you are aware that you will receive it whether you like it or not! And rarely is the feedback put in the sandwiched package we like to teach in the workplace. If your daughter is anything but completely compliant, you have heard a few good comments about yourself that you may not have been ready to hear, especially if you are a mother. I remember when my girls were in their early teens and tweener years, just how much some of those comments could sting, make me doubt myself or even bring me down. We know that much of this is developmental separation from parents. However, the feedback in and of itself is often laced with some essential ingredients that are actually nutritious to our own growth as a person. The more angry it makes us, the more likely it is to have kernels of truth. As my girls have grown, their "feedback" still can hit me between the eyes at times. So how should we respond to direct comments that come at us--and why? When I reflect on myself over the past 25 years I see how I have grown and changed in so may ways for the better, solely due to some cutting, and honest feedback from my daughters--whatever package it came in--and regardless of their reasons for spewing it. Stopping and asking myself how I am coming across, if it is the way I want to be or should be, and if it is getting me where I want to go, makes a huge difference in what I do with the feedback. As a result, I change. There is another meaningful by-product to this reflection: Our daughters will recognize that their insight, voices, and intentions are not to be dismissed--that what makes them angry is worthy of expression. They experience that they can, in fact, influence change for the better, especially with those in authority. (There will be time to discuss how to communicate those thoughts better, when their is a readiness to learn, and if we model it). I am extremely grateful to my daughters for helping to shape me in to a better person. They have opened my eyes to my impact as a co-worker, a spouse and a friend. Listening to our daughters, despite the emotions running high or sharpness that the words may possess, will bring on unexpected, yet well needed transformation, empowering you both.

We All Need to Change

Any senseless death is overwhelmingly tragic; and when it is predicated on a silent lack of value for the person, it's beyond words. The rage that arises now is from the powerful undercurrent that is too easy to deny or even miss, if you are not subject to it. Yet the quiet driving force is ever present. The experience of injustice or even misunderstanding is common to the human condition. We are all generally self centered, and glory in our own perspectives that favor us, and often not reality. But, in very small ways we have all known the feeling, at work or in a family, of experiencing wrong and trying to articulate it to others who seem to just deny it out of a variety of perspectives. These responses may run from not noticing it; their seeing it, but it not serving them to acknowledge it; to out right lying. It's infuriating and yet we may just let it go and resign to the unfair outcome. But when your life or the life of those you love depend on others coming out of the haze and seeing what you see, patience will run short. Patience needs to run short.
The issues of racism are complex because they hit on personal experience, power, control, fear, opportunity, competitiveness, and more. In other words it draws out complex emotion. We in America do not like complexity. If you cannot get it in to 140 characters we lose attention. It's easier to point blame then solve a complex problem. It's easier to simply persuade than to bring multiple voices together to find the whole picture that will result in the best outcomes. And we lack humility. In our competitive arrogance, we need to be right, and so we struggle admitting we might not have the whole picture–that our own limited view or experience might be inadequate to assess the full situation. We all can fall prey to this. But right now many are opening eyes to see another angle–even if it took the power of social media and watching a horror that would have gone unknown or unnoticed in recent history to get us there.

The simple truth is that we all do wrong, whether we are prepared to admit it or not.
Ask yourself the question: WHAT AM I PRETENDING NOT TO NOTICE ABOUT MYSELF OR THIS SITUATION? (thanks Vital Smarts). We all need to change–And be appalled at the lack of value our culture has placed on an entire race of people, and on life in general.
We all need the bigger picture.

Change Management...Are You Seeing the Trees for the Forest?

Change Management...

Are You Seeing the Trees for the Forest?

Managing organizational change is a strategic initiative, and we look to systems, models and programs to make this challenge more effective for our desired outcome. In my 20 years of helping leaders make positive change, I am continuously reminded of the critical importance of the individual in this process--if the leader wants success. Many years ago Buckminster Fuller wrote about the power of the individual. That power can run in many directions. If you want to see large scale change happen successfully, you cannot ignore the needs or the power of the individual to make that happen.

The first step as a manager is to deal with you. What are your thoughts and feelings about the changes? Did you originate the change ideas, did you have input? What do you personally and professionally stand to gain from the changes? What do you stand to lose? How much patience do you have for the process? What will happen if you resist or do not comply? What will happen if those you work with or supervise do not participate or buy in? Do I share the vision for the change?
Once you explore your own thoughts, understanding and feelings around the changes, there is one more key perspective to consider. How committed are you to supporting your team through the changes?
It is essential to embrace the role of change supporter for others, if you want a successful transition. As a leader to others, your management of the transition with them will be more effectively if you genuinely want to support people through the change. Feigning encouragement or support going through the motions or just using the tools in a perfunctory way, will not be effective, and your underlying true thoughts and emotions will be apparent to your team. If you are excited about the changes or feel fearful and need to get the changes moving, engaging to support others may be more challenging. Still, it's like the old adage with a twist, “pay me now, or pay me more later.”

Once committed, you can move the change process along by recognizing that personal concerns jump in first and most prominently for staff as they encounter organizational change. Here are some questions to dialogue with your staff about, if  you are willing to make it safe for people to respond honestly. If your circumstances preclude you from making it safe, try tossing out the questions for the team members to consider on their own.

• What does this change mean for you personally and professionally?
• What is the first concern or fear that jumps out for you?
• What might you gain from the change?
• What are the losses you anticipate ( relationship connections, status, convenience, etc.)?
• What do you think you will need most from me during the transition, if I could realistically provide it?
• What is one idea you have for making this change most effective?

Regardless of how globally we might  think and plan, one person, who is influential, can start a ground swell of support or resistance. Tending the individual will multiply your power to make positive change.

Connecting the Dots...Accountability and Engagement

In nearly all the work I do in organization development, leadership coaching and training, I hear a demand, or a cry, from leaders for more “accountability.” If you are a Manager, you are likely nodding, at least internally, at this.  “Accountability” is inserted in to strategic goals, leadership programs and discussed at executive team meetings.  Frustrations with lack of follow through, unwillingness to come on board, lower quality work or results than expected, and blame throwing are just some of the reasons driving this focus.  These managerial frustrations are real, and drain energy, time and inject emotional stress in to the workplace.  The area of accountability requires attention and is of genuine concern when it comes to organizational results, productivity, and future growth. We need and want employees to own their work, take responsibility, do what is expected and produce results. 

There is a side of this issue, however, that we sometimes ignore in our fervency to make the world around us more accountable.  Part of the issue is that when we start asking what people mean by accountability, the definitions vary widely.  More often than it should, the definition comes down to people are not doing what I want them to do. That is a manager issue.

Take a close look at where you hear strong messaging around the need for accountability, and you will likely find lower than desirable engagement scores.  What can happen is that management wants people to be more accountable, but ironically shifts the responsibility for that off their own leadership.  A key responsibility here is to be an effective manager who has earned the ability to influence others to stay motivated, inspired, competent and committed. 

However, we typically move to compliance, enforcement, or exposing data that might embarrass some into acting as a means to step up accountability.  While these methods have a place and are needed in measure, what managers can do to motivate and inspire their teams gets sadly disconnected from the issue of accountability.  When a person is inspired, motivated and committed, accountability is usually not a big issue (unless integrity is a significant concern). The underlying challenge here is that managers who are stretched thin and doing their best to meet demands and expectations, often do not have the patience or the time to invest in well…managing—helping to create a meaningfully motivating environment where people are valued and encouraged to do their best.  I cringe as I write this because my empathy kicks in, knowing how difficult it can be for managers to focus here, especially with challenging employees, and production or delivery pressures. 

Regardless, it will be well worth the investment in the people management.  Some progressively applied, time tested approaches, which focus on gaining a greater understanding of what truly motivates, inspires, recognizes, and builds competency in your team members, might just drop accountability down closer to the bottom of your leadership to do list. 

JANUARY 28, 2019 7:35 AM

How is Your Focus?

This morning I was looking out my second story window without my glasses. I could see the houses across the the street fairly clearly and a chimney stack on the roof. With blurred vision I could make out what seemed to be a large hawk or vulture sitting atop the chimney, wings slightly opened up in a threatening way. It chilled me. I reached for my glasses to better eye this creepy site, and with clear vision was able to see there were two black birds touching beak to beak in an almost loving way resting on the chimney. It ran home how often our perceptions become cloudy and we insert our fears or judgments into them, causing ourselves and others undue stress. With clarity that comes from being willing to adjust our focus, we may see the best intentions and good in others and our situations. How much time and energy might be redirected on our teams and in our lives if we pause to question or refocus our perceptions? 

 Allison
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A while ago I decided to try an experiment with my thinking. I determined to change my "I've got to" to "I get to." You might be surprised what this can do. You're likely thinking now, "yes, gratitude, got it." As Thanksgiving comes around we are bombarded with reminders to be grateful. But there is more that happens, when we shift our internal language to “I get to.”I've got to feed the dog," becomes "I get to feed the dog,...and I get to have a dog." "I've got to make the bed," to "I get to have a soft warm bed." "I've got to get to work” to "I get to drive a car, and I get to have a job." And so it goes, until it becomes beautifully obvious how much we take for granted. Even the air I breathe, the water I drink are seen in a new depth of appreciation. “I get to” is also childlike language of excitement. It’s freeing. So, that's my challenge today--in this Thanksgiving season—to consider giving it a try as you sit around the table, often with a collision of emotions. Just think...I get to.
"I get to” write, and connect with you...thank you."

Being a nobody in a Somebody Organization

Some organizations, like the one I work with, are chock full of very important people and tasks, including extraordinary feats, celebrity, and impact on the world around us.  Within these organizations are people like me.  Not in the top three levels of contributors to the critical work done here, and lacking in the knowledge of the essentials of the esteemed work produced.  They used to call us, support services staff.  Now that refers mostly to those who are administrative support only, but the name is appropo.  We may change the face of how work is done, develop solutions that keep the organization going, encourage someone indispensable not to leave, but we remain on the outer circle of the organization’s pulse.  We may see the connection to the heart, but rarely do those steeped in the critical work.  This is not a complaint.  Just an observation.  I have been in this role in each of my career steps.  I was in the University environment but was not faculty. In the petroleum business, but not a commodities trader, retailer, or refiner.  I am now in health care, and I am not clinical or a clinical researcher. 

 I am, however, like many people.  We make up much of the organizations and without us they cannot run as effectively.  However, we are at times like the spectators. 

I have been developing leaders and coaching for many years.  One thing they will hear me say, often, when talking about change, is to “make everyone feel like an insider.”  The same might go for how leaders communicate with employees, in general.  Recognition in a high stakes and highly regarded organization is often reserved for the superstars.  We want them to be lauded, because it brings the organization the reputation that it holds.  Connecting the dots to mission and real time success for the others seems challenging.  We sometimes see gratuitous recognition that may offer a bump in engagement for the day, but without the acknowledgement of the connection to the larger picture of success, the self-proclaimed nobodies look to be somebodies outside of their organizations.  These same people are leaders in their communities, family heroes, creative writers, and local athletes (not me…!). What would happen if they felt like somebody at work?  I want to challenge you to recognize those in your organizational midst in a way that affirms their role in the essentials.  Not just the comment at a meeting, but a clearer connection to the core work.  If you do this, wait to see how engagement swells.    

Allison Fritz is a Sr. Organization Development and Training Consultant who coaches and teaches upper management, and facilitates team development and change management initiatives.  She hold a doctoral degree in Organization Development and Staff Development from University of Maryland College Park and a Masters in Counseling and Personnel from University of Delaware.